How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin

Author:Clancy Martin [Martin, Clancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2023-03-28T00:00:00+00:00

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That was 2009, and as I’ve mentioned, things got really bad at the beginning of 2011, when I started an affair and returned to drinking. Depression, suicide, and complete confusion and disorientation became everyday things. Hilarity entered my life at this point, a feeling of wantonness and irresponsibility, a way of experiencing things that I felt not just day to day but even hour to hour or minute to minute. I oscillated between irrational exultation and equally irrational desperation. As a reader, you might notice how much my way of looking at the world has changed from how I thought in 2009 (described in Chapter 5) to the way I saw things once I was drinking again and wanted to kill myself every day, as I try to describe here.

And in the story that continues below—the one I started to tell you at the beginning of this book—I had just attempted and failed at suicide yet again and was back, once more, at Research Psychiatric Hospital. It was November 2011, and over the next few months I would go all the way down to the second ring of the seventh circle of hell, where suicides are trapped as trees being torn apart by harpies, before I would start my return to the sunlight.

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